After about 5 months of near mental paralysis, my current episode of existential crisis should be over.

For context, this is the second hit of existential crisis on me. The first happened when I was in graduate school and lasted for over two years. Both episodes led to existential OCD.

Existential crisis is non-stop pursue for answers and rationales: meaning of life, destiny of our extended family, the humanity and the universe. The majority are willing to let-go these questions and simply live through the tangible life. However, for some of us, letting go these questions and simply enjoy life leads to deep insatisfaction. There is a desire, anxiety to pursue a cause more than enjoyment and pleasure.

For most of us, by instinct, the choice is no matter what, we'd prefer to live rather than being dead. There are plenty of things to live for: family, love, responsibility, dreams, hobbies, values, etc. There is a instinct driving us to stick to one of these supporting pillars, shut off the uncomfortable thoughts, and continue to engage with our daily life. It may seem weird not many people cared about existential questions, however, it actualy make sense. Our instintive avoidance and positivity towards existential questions are by large evolutional choices: the mindset helped human keep surviving and reproducing under poor living conditions during evolutional choices. Those couldn't let go and almost instantly choose a blissful mindset simply didn't do well over the millions of years.

Unfortunately, there is no why, none of the whys you may find from philosophers, books, articles make sense in an absolute way.

However, there is a choice. The fact that we live on a giant rock, orbiting around a burning gas ball that eventually both will evaporate, doesn't have to make everything meaningless. The fact is somewhat gloom, but our response don't have to be. We are still free to choose our perspectives. For each of us, think of people we simply care for, things we simply want to do: regardless whether or not there are answers or eternal meanings.

We already know our choices, the people we love, the goals we want to achieve, the experiences we want to explore, and values we want to live by. We were trappe by the mindset of asking for a why. Accepting answers are not available, but we are still free to make the choice.

I was lucky, I have adorable children and a loving family. Doing my best to helping kids grow is at higher priority than an abstract meaning it may or may not have. I'll let go the urge to find more answers, or answers in situtations I don't yet have to consider. Live in the moment, accept the unknown, but embrace the love you already have.

For those struggling with existential questions, it is natural to ask, it is responsible to have kids while oneself is struggling with meaning and existence. reddit discussion

I struggled with this question, well, in early adulthood, I eventually accepted the following rational.

Remember the vast majority of people enjoy life, regardless it is meaningful or not in a logical way. It is likely, probably that your kids will also enjoy life and appreciate your effort to give birth to them and raise them.

Making the choice for your children reflects your current state of mind and personal opinion. Leave the choice to the child. Raise them with a positive attitude and let them decide for themselves their take on life.

Despite the fact existence can be absurd, we would not argue it is also a divine gift. Given your children an opportunity to know it, feel it, finding their love, passion and make their own choices.

Meanwhile, stay positive, our own state of mind will change and we will be, at least probably will be, happy with the positive choice.

My therapist asked me: what is exactly the meaning you are struggling with ? I realized I actually don’t have a definition for it.

It may imply some lasting effect beyond mortality, or a certainty that immediately kindles unarguable passion for life. It is an aha moment: given all my struggles, meaning itself remains undefined, and is certainly unachievable.

In our daily life, whether we consider a goal meaningful often reduces to whether or not we choose to pursue it. Here is what I try: instead of obsessing on whether or not there is an undefined meaning, I ask alternative questions: what does life offers that I enjoy and look forward to. The answers are clear: love, responsibility, passion, pleasure and freedom.

Given all the wonder and beauty that life offers, do we want to see more, explore more and spending more time with people that we love ? My answer is crystal clear. Whatever keeps us going, keeps us saying Yes, is the meaning we are looking for.

Meaning is not an abstract, undefined term. Searching for meaning doesn’t need to be writing a philosophical essay. It is to stay at present, listen to our inner voice, whatever we are enjoying and looking forward to, is the meaning we pursue.

Camus famously proposed the thought experiment: the Myth of Sisyphus.. It is our resolution to stay happy and imagine Sisyphus is doing so.

I won’t imagine Sisyphus is happy. Two core pillars for my happiness: love and freedom are missing from Sisyphus’s situation. The perpetual task of boulder lifting, alone by oneself, won’t support my peace with being, and pursuit for meaning.

I like Camus a lot. However, I do not think Camus went through the same struggle some of us may do. His acceptance on absurdism and resolution to rebel seems with modest, if not less, struggle.

Should Sisyphus be happy ?